“It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply.”
― David Jones
Statutory Warning: If you feel things in an excessive amount, the amount which goes way beyond the human comprehension, this world might not be the place for you.
Starting with, what goes on in the head of a person who feels too much. Imagine watching five different movies, at once, all in different languages, without subtitles. There are clusters of thoughts all jammed in one tiny place without any air in between them. That’s what its like to be a person who feels all the emotions and that too all at the same time.
If you feel too much, you know of the ache that dawns on you while sitting in an empty house where the walls of your heart just contract at the thought of every love that once entered and ran through your veins, throbbing, making you feel alive. Every love that was meant to last but didn’t, every feeling that was meant to be forgotten now stands at the door, knocking.
If you feel too much, you know of the inexplicable pain that runs through your body when your heart wants to break every bone in order to break free. No matter how much the pain killers claim to kill the pain, this pain of your heart trying to make its way outside your chest, refusing to stay behind the cage, just doesn’t go away. This pain that clobbers you, leaving you breathless, gasping for air or just an escape.
If you feel too much, you know of the grief, that goes unspoken. The words that refuse to come out as if a bullet is lodged inside the heart like something is being blocked, like a hurricane is being stopped by a levee, like a wall is stopping a sea.
If you feel too much, you know of the sudden sadness that surrounds you, a black cloud that overshadows everything. Like the path to happiness is the path you never walked on. Like the Sun never shone, like the melodies never rang in your ears, like the shaking hands were never held.
If you feel too much, you know of the anger that builds inside of you when you look at this world, squinting because the light of the harsh reality seems too much after a lifetime of merciful darkness.
Sometimes feeling too much, feels too much.
It feels as if one small compartment being filled with endless number of people. Sometimes, it feels as if an ocean, sitting still, collecting whatever falls in it. And sometimes it feels as if the leaking contents of a broken pot.
Sometimes the world is held together tight, but most of the time, it snaps into innumerable pieces.