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February 2016

The Sun Rememebers

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The sun rememebers.
The nights spent obscuring behind the light of the moon.
The days spent lying on the grass, taking the sunlight in, morosely contemplating life and what goes around in here.
The afternoons spent watching the crepuscular rays from the window, going deep in a trance and never returning.
The evenings spent sitting on the roof, watching the sun slowly set, kicking back the cynicism for a while and just aborbing the pink that spreads across the sky.
The sun remembers every awakening of the heart with every dawn and every despair that the dusk brings.
It awaits the impending arrival, as the flock of birds slowly move towards the setting sun.
The sun remembers to step aside for the moon to take its place, but he doesn’t let her forget what his worth is.
The sun remembers to shine back again when it’s time but till then, the sun rests.

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Time Machine

To the person I’ll love in the future, I dont have anything to give to you. I’ve been emptied by people who I thought were worth all that was in me. I don’t have anything to give to you but my sleepless nights and in those sleepless nights my unfathomable thoughts. I don’t have anything to give to you but my vulnerability, I’ll try and open the gates, if not the gates a window maybe. I dont have anything to give to you but my insecurities, the words “not good enough” are inked on my bones. I don’t have anything to give to you but my fears, a fall too hard, a wave too strong, a love too deep. I don’t have anything to give to you but my scars and the lesions, that’ll eventually fade but I am not sure. I don’t have anything to give to you but my words, reaching out to your soul and making love to it. I don’t have anything to give to you but a heart that still beats and hands that’ll paint you azure. Eyes, that’ll brighten the grey skies and lips that’ll only speak the language of love. I have too little to give, but reach out and it’ll all be yours.

Things I Never Said To Myself. (But I Should Have)

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Things I never said to myself that I should have:

1. Nothing is worth destroying yourself for. This bathroom floor, your mascara smeared face, tear soaked towels, is not you. Waking up after a night spent on pins and needles, is you. Walking through the door, with such intestinal fortitude, that no one ever knows how perturbed you are, is you.

2. You let people in. Even if it means them leaving in the middle of the night without a note. Even if there is no guarantee of their return. Even if you stand by the window, but wishing never to see them again, you let them in. Because shutting the doors, building walls, keeping yourself in boundaries won’t keep them out, it’ll fence you in.

3. Pain and heartaches are a part of your soul. They stand right there beside you like a strong, metal pole. They are what makes a person who he is. Without them you wouldn’t know, just what’s your worth. So struggle, no matter how hard you have to. Claw your way back to life but do not give in to that pain.

4. You were made to love, you were made to open your heart to people, to new experiences, to life. Then why is that one bad experience makes you shut your heart in a box and never reopen it. Love is what this world needs and you were placed here to give that love out, so why stop just because people don’t understand the intensity of your love. Stop putting that heart in a cage and let it spread its wings and soar high.

5. If you realize that your life is a disarray, fix it. You have the power and tools to do that. You and no one else. If you think you are a mess, you are the order too.

6. Happiness won’t come to you, you’ll have to make your way towards it. When you find yourself in a never ending chasm, believe that there will be an end to this and there will shine a bright light at the end of it. Follow the light and you’ll get through. The light won’t come to you, you’ll have to go to the light.

7. Watch the sunset as many times as you wish, if that’s what pleases you. But do not associate it with the ending of something radiant and bright but as the beginning of something soulful that only a few people understand. If the dawn gives people hope, the dusk should give people a brand new beginning.

8. And at the end, life is as tough as it gets and well, so are you. When did you stop believing in yourself? Start again. Nothing here will come easy to you, but if you believe in yourself, you’ll be able to conquer anything you lay a finger on.

Things I learned when I turned 21.

Once I turned 21, I realized some things. Some things that came to me as if the fog has cleared and I could finally see. Some things that i didn’t realize until this very moment.

#1. Distance. You need to keep people at a distance. You need to not let them become your thoughts and your feelings. Neither should you let them affect yours. Keeping people at a distance helps you grow individually and helps you see who you truly are. It’s difficult because we are surrounded by people, people we love, people we hate, people we can barely tolerate. Everyone has a place and that is, at one-arm-distance from you. Take it from a person who’s lived for people, living for yourself is way better.

#2.People Always Leave. That’s right, no matter how much a person claims to be in love with you or no matter how precious the friendship might seem, people leave and that’s okay. It just means that you took what you were supposed to from that particular person and now he has to go. One always has to go. You need to get out of someone’s life too. It’s a process and the sooner you will make peace with it the happier you’ll be.

#3. Letting go. We have all been here. Trying to letting go of a person or a thing very dear to us is nearly an impossible task. We’d rather get hurt holding on than let go and finally breathe. I learned this the hard way but, what we need to understand is this life is an hourglass, and there is nothing you can do to stop the sand from flowing. Similarly there is nothing you can do to stop a person who’s decided to go. The longer you try to hold on, the faster and farther it moves. It’s better to let it flow the way it’s supposed to and not hold on to things which are not meant for you.

#4. Things don’t turn out the way you want them to. This goes with everything, careers, relationships, life. We think that we have it all under control, we think we are the master of our fate and we think nothing can beat us. But then there is this sudden movement, like the rug is pulled from under our feet and we land into reality. This life does not turn out the way we want it to be, but that’s good. Not always, but most of the time, yes. We are acquainted with the things we didn’t even think we’d want, we meet people we didn’t think we needed in our lives but we do. We come across paths we didn’t think we’d walk on, but we do. So, when things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we should understand that’s not it, we have something more for us in store.

#5. You will fail. I for one know too much about this. I have failed and failed and failed and one thing that i have learned from the failure that I faced is, that’s not the end of the world. The sun still shines bright if you fail a math test. The stars still twinkle and if the universe doesn’t care for them, neither should you. Failure is as important in life as any other thing because without it, you wouldn’t know your worth. So when you fail, it’s going to be difficult, but you need to climb that mountain or at least take one step towards it, because once you do, I promise the view is going to be worth it.

#6. Happiness. This is the most important thing and I am still working on it. People say they find happiness in things or places or people. But the locus of your happiness is you. Just as you don’t need anyone to make you feel hungry, you don’t need anyone to make you feel happy. The happiness that you were born with does lie within one person and that is you. You can make yourself more than happy than anyone in this world. Give it some time. Give yourself some time. Heal from all the hurt people have caused you because you went to them looking for something that was already within you. You are your happiness and no one can take it from you. Take it from a person who is unhappy most of the time, you are what you need. You are the best company you can have. Give yourself some time. You’ll come around.

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